Best ER Nurse Phone Call

A "nurse call" is typically a phone call from a member of the public calling for medical advice.  Sometimes it's a simple question of "how much Motrin do I give my baby?" but often it turns into complicated and bizarre stories, that get more and more convoluted every time you tell them "Ma'am I cannot give you advice over the phone, you can come in and be seen by our doctor."

Case in point:

2am on a Friday:

- Um hi, do you do lead testing?

- No, we typically don't.  This is the emergency room.

- Well I understand that, and I've already been to Hood Hospital and they wouldn't do it...

Me, thinking, well shit Sherlock!  We're not going to do it either then!

... but I keep having these neurological symptoms.

- Okay, I cannot give you advice on the phone.  If you'd like to be seen you can come in.

- Well will you test for lead if I come in.

- That's not up to me ma'am, that's up to the doctor who sees you.  And he cannot give you advice on the phone either.

- So you can't tell me if you'll test me for lead?  I have these metallic hair extensions and I think they're giving me lead poisoning!

Attempting to stifle my laughter, turning purple, while the charge nurse is sitting next to me laughing at my expressions.